I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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All geniuses die young.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX