Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX