Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX