“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”

I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy

Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Who knows most, doubts most.

You call for faith: I show you doubt, to prove that faith exists. The more of doubt, the stronger faith, I say, If faith o’ercomes doubt.

Anybody is able to doubt me. I say, ‘Come with your criticism to polish the diamond of the truth.’ People need to wake up to their own power. Everybody has this nature.

Who knows most, doubts most; entertaining hope means recognizing fear.

I cannot love thee; thou ‘rt worse than thy brother. Go, say thy prayers, child, and ask God’s pardon. I doubt thy mother and I must rue that we ever reared thee!

In these days, it is doubtful that any child may reasonably be expected to succeed in life if he is denied the opportunity of an education.

Individuals sometimes feel insignificant and doubt that one person can really make a difference in this world. Well, believe me, one person can.

You know, failure hurts. Any kind of failure stings. If you live in the sting, you will – undoubtedly – fail. My way of getting past the sting is to say no, I’m just not going to let this get me down.