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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Girlfriend Meet Naughty Wife
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Army Justice Military Music One Liner
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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Comedy Funny Humour Nickle Pocket
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Elephant Funny Humour Morning Pajama
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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Drunk Febuary Morning
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Hear Memories Past Stop Story
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Children Fetch Funny Understand
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Club Freedom Member
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Freedom Money Thinking
Humour is reason gone mad.
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Humour Madness One Liner Reason
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Doubt Interfere Marriage People Romance Sex Wife
I only write first editions.
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Attitude Edition One Liner Writing
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Best Friend Friendship Funny Goodness Jail Try
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Applesauce Cranberry Taste
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Birthday Live Old Problem
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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Funny Hero Heroine Tits
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Fly Love Money Reality Truth
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Funny Humour Instituation Marriage
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Admit Age Born Early Life
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Best Friend Deep Failure One Liner Unhappy
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Channel Cry Laugh Selfish Watch World
Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Funny Hotel Humour Room Service
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Funny Hospital Humour Parked Run Taxi
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Bed Inspirational Lazy One Liner Worth

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