Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARXLife is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Time wounds all heels.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX