“Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.”

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy

Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

The best is yet to come.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while

Let’s face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.

Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.

It sometimes happens that a woman is handsomer at twenty-nine than she was ten years before.

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.