I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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All geniuses die young.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX