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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX

Bouquet Bride Groom Hollywood Marriage Throw
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Book Darkness Dog Friendship Read
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Funny Hospital Humour Parked Run Taxi
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Anatomy Judgement Poverty
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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Book Comfortable Dog Goodness Peace Woman
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX

Huff Humour Leave
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Funny Leadership Man Women
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Applesauce Cranberry Taste
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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Comedy Funny Humour Nickle Pocket
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Club Freedom Member
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Age Birthday Interesting Subject
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Best Friend Deep Failure One Liner Unhappy
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Demotivate Idiot Insult Life Stupidity
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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Drunk Febuary Morning
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Funny Humour Mind Smoking
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Humour Read Room Television
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX

Footprint Photography Socks Upstairs
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Bed Inspirational Lazy One Liner Worth
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Funny Humour Instituation Marriage
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Children Fetch Funny Understand
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Advance Luck One Liner Welcome Women
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX

Fly Love Money Reality Truth
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Man One Liner Success Victory Wife Woman
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Billion Birthday Cells Life One Liner
The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Calm Deep Despair Laughter One Liner Peace

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