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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Fools Trouble Writing Yourself
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Fetch Funny Understand
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Life Principles Rules
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Humour Instituation Marriage
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX

Born Democracy People Republic
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Leadership Man Women
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Reading Television
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX

Humour Meet Night Own Theater
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Deep Failure One Liner Unhappy
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX

Event Eyes Happiness Inspirational Morning Myself Power Present Unhappiness
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX

Exception Face Forget Humour
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX

Deviation Dirty Honor Liar Thief Writing Yourself
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX

Alcohol Beer Believe Funny
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX

Hear Memories Past Stop Story
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX

Education Love One Liner Reading
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Love Mother
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX

Cigar Love Mouth Relationship
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX

Admit Age Born Early Life
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX

Huff Humour Leave
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX

Bore Hole Insult Run
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX

Animal Black Cat Cross Funny Humour Path
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX

Club Freedom Member
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX

Army Justice Military Music One Liner
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX

Feeling Man Naughty One Liner Sex Woman
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hero Heroine Tits
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX

Interesting Reality Sense Theory

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