Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary justice is to justice what military music is to music.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX