Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARXMost young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX