She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARXMost young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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I only write first editions.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX