Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARXIf you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX