“Hear no evil, speak no evil, and you won’t be invited to cocktail parties.”

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

I am too fond of reading books to care to write them.

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

To lose one parent, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.

It takes great deal of courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still to love it.

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

A good friend will always stab you in the front.

The very essence of romance is uncertainty.

Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit.

Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same.

My beer drunk soul is sadder than all the dead christmas trees of the world.

That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

A bottle of wine was good company.

I still have a little whiskey left and therefore a chance.

I drank to drown my sorrows, but the damned things learned how to swim.

Alcohol, tobacco, and pharmaceutical drugs are legal, but they can hurt a lot of people.