“While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I only write first editions.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

If you choose bad companions, no one will believe that you are anything but bad yourself.

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.

A people free to choose will always choose peace.

One essential object is to choose that arrangement which shall tend to reduce to a minimum the time necessary for completing the calculation.

I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me.

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.