If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARXA child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX