If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARXSomebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX