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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

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Funny Hospital Humour Parked Run Taxi

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX

Advance Luck One Liner Welcome Women
Humour is reason gone mad.
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Humour Madness One Liner Reason
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX

Applesauce Cranberry Taste
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Exitement Fun Life One Liner Travel Wrong
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Attitude Confidence
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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Interesting Reality Sense Theory
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hero Heroine Tits
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Fetch Funny Understand
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Girlfriend Meet Naughty Wife
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Halfway Heaven One Liner West
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Reading Television
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Humour Laughter Moments Read
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX

Humour Judge Jury Marriage One Liner
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX

Clothes Sex Sexy Triumphed Women
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Feeling Man Naughty One Liner Sex Woman
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX

Bore Hole Insult Run
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Funny Leadership Man Women
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Interest Naked Sex True
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX

Channel Cry Laugh Selfish Watch World
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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Ex Girl Look Pain Past Sad
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Edition One Liner Writing
The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Calm Deep Despair Laughter One Liner Peace
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX

Love Man Romance Room
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX

Deal Fake Honesty Humour Life Secret
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX

Against Attitude

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