We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARXIf you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
-
-
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX