I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARXI never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
-
-
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX