Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX