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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

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Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX

Hear Memories Past Stop Story
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Forever Inspirational One Liner Positive Try
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX

Deviation Dirty Honor Liar Thief Writing Yourself
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX

Bouquet Bride Groom Hollywood Marriage Throw
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX

Drunk Febuary Morning
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Fetch Funny Understand
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Reading Television
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Book Darkness Dog Friendship Read
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX

Demotivate Idiot Insult Life Stupidity
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX

Animal Black Cat Cross Funny Humour Path
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX

Love Man Romance Room
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX

Art Humour Water
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX

Applesauce Cranberry Taste
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX

Event Eyes Happiness Inspirational Morning Myself Power Present Unhappiness
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX

Club Freedom Member
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX

Enough Learning Mistake Yourself
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX

Education Heart Heart Beat Listen Metabolism Study
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Fools Trouble Writing Yourself
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX

Age Birthday Interesting Subject
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Life Principles Rules
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX

Healing Inspirational Life One Liner Time Wound
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX

Education Love One Liner Reading
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX

Advance Luck One Liner Welcome Women
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX

Channel Cry Laugh Selfish Watch World
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX

Against Attitude

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