A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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All geniuses die young.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX