Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARXWhy, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX