Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARXHumour is reason gone mad.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Time wounds all heels.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX