The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARXWhy don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX