“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.

Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.

In times of crisis, people reach for meaning. Meaning is strength. Our survival may depend on our seeking and finding it.

I find out what the world needs. Then I go ahead and try to invent it.

No man can put a chain about the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck.

The pupil dilates in darkness and in the end finds light, just as the soul dilates in misfortune and in the end finds God.

My message behind this album was finding the beauty in imperfection.

Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain from you your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you, and let it devour your remains.

I find you offensive for finding me offensive.

Finding joy is probably tantamount to finding yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.