A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARXHe may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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All geniuses die young.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX