Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX