“Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.”

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.

I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.

Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.

Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

People are angry and dispirited about government because of a failure to do something about crime.

The girl who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.

Can I doubt the shape of the earth? Can I judge a minute for lasting sixty seconds, a day for being grey or cold and leaves for falling from trees? Can I speak too loud when I am angry or stay quiet when I disagree? Can I forget about the norms and make some of my own?

Masculine anger is always because you are feeling constrained, trapped by life. Feminine anger is always because you are feeling unloved.

Can I doubt the shape of the earth? Can I judge a minute for lasting sixty seconds, a day for being grey or cold and leaves for falling from trees? Can I speak too loud when I am angry or stay quiet when I disagree? Can I forget about the norms and make some of my own?

I have not lost faith in God. I have moments of anger and protest. Sometimes I’ve been closer to him for that reason.

Nothing appeases an enraged elephant so much as the sight of a little lamb.

In struggling against anguish one never produces serenity; the struggle against anguish only produces new forms of anguish.