The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS -
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERS -
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS -
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS -
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERS -
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
JOAN RIVERS -
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
JOAN RIVERS -
Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERS -
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERS