Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERSGrandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Better laid than never.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS