50+ Spike Milligan Quotes | Minimalist Quotes

I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Identity Myself One Liner Thinking
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself Pain Stand Wake Up
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Worth
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Life Sick
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
A lot of learning can be a little thing.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Knowledge Learning One Liner Wisdom
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Himself Man
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Born Death Myself People
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Chance Happiness Money Myself
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Confusion Father Myself Name
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Case Lost Number
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Class Expectation Morning Yourself
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Eat Hungry Myself
God made night, But man made darkness.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Darkness Deep Invention Man Night One Liner Spiritual
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
I told you I was sick.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself One Liner Sick
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Body Myself Time
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Sea Sick Tree
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Enough Food Politics
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Food Invention Reason
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beautiful Eyes
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Myself Plant Return
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself

Spike Milligan Quotes

Famous Irish actors