“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

A lot of learning can be a little thing.

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

When opportunity knocks, invite it to stay for dinner.

You Gujarati people are so cute but why is your food so dangerous dhokla, fafda, handva, thepla it sounds like they are missiles

I’ve been very competitive by nature from a young age, whether it was eating a bowl of pasta faster than somebody else, or always wanting to be the first one in line.

The size of a challenge should never be measured by what we have to offer. It will never be enough. Furthermore, provision is God’s responsibility, not ours. We are merely called to commit what we have – even if it’s no more than a sack lunch.

It’s easy to impress me. I don’t need a fancy party to be happy. Just good friends, good food, and good laughs. I’m happy. I’m satisfied. I’m content.

I was born into it and there was nothing I could do about it. It was there, like air or food, or any other element. The only question with wealth is what you do with it.

I’m always that annoying person that pulls out the camera in the middle of dinner and starts taking candids.

Eating meat and drinking liquor are demonic vices. Those indulging in drink lose all sense of propriety, have no compassion or love and become demons.