I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
-
-
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I told you I was sick.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
God made night, But man made darkness.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN