To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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In the human race today, you came last.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN