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I’m Irish. We think sideways.

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Identity Myself One Liner Thinking

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Funny Himself Marriage Perfection
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Born Death Myself People
A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Knowledge Learning One Liner Wisdom
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Listening Myself Pain Talk
Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Education Funny Start
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Food Invention Reason
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Sea Sick Tree
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Clothes Order Perfection Work
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Eat Hungry Myself
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Case Lost Number
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Come Myself Quiet
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beautiful Eyes
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Coward Hero Legs Myself
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Age Body Myself Time
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Joke Laughter Myself Sing
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Blessing Deep Hard Time Light Perspective Philosophy
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Himself Man
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Worth
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Enough Food Politics
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Man Vehicle
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Chance Happiness Money Myself

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