“In the human race today, you came last.”

If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

I turn to history not for lessons but to confront my experience with the experience of others and to win for myself a sense of responsibility for the state of the human conscience.

I have lived too many lives to be only one thing, and instead of attempting to mesh them into a form of a human being, I have decided to love every jagged edge of mine.

Art is the sound of a human dying to be an immortal artist.

To rankling poison hast thou turned in me the milk of human kindness.

A man who murders another shortens by a few brief years the life of a human being; but he who votes to increase the burden of debts upon the people of the United States assumes a graver responsibility.

Not without a shudder may the human hand reach into the mysterious urn of destiny.

Justice is never advanced in the taking of human life.

Everybody’s human. You are only on this planet for a little bit of time.