Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGANA bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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In the human race today, you came last.
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I told you I was sick.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
SPIKE MILLIGAN