Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGANA bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






