“There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.”

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

A lot of learning can be a little thing.

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

You smile upon your friend to-day, To-day his ills are over; You hearken to the lover’s say, And happy is the lover. ‘Tis late to hearken, late to smile, But better late than never: I shall have lived a little while Before I die for ever.

The life of this world and the hereafter, in the heart of a person are like the two scales of a balance, when one becomes heavier, the other becomes lighter

I came to see a king, not a row of corpses.

Let us ease the Roman people of their continual care, who think it long to await the death of an old man.

My father was a film-maker. He always said he wanted to go like Humphrey Jennings, the legendary director who stepped backwards over a cliff while framing a better shot.

The only true infidelity is for a live man to vote himself dead.

Did I play my role well? If so, then applause, because the comedy is finished!

Faith, like a jackal, feeds among the tombs, and even from these dead doubts she gathers her most vital hope.