“Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.”

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

A lot of learning can be a little thing.

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest.

Only hire people you want to have dinner with.

I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.

Sugar free? With the name Sugarpova I don’t think I will be doing anything sugar free very soon.

To me, my recipes are priceless.

The food I’ve liked in my time is American country cookin’.

There’s a lot more future in hamburgers than in baseball.

A lot of learned men think people really are the food they’ve eaten.