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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Case Lost Number
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Appearance Funny Myself Time
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I told you I was sick.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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