In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGANPolicemen are numbered in case they get lost.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN