I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN