You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN