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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Spike Milligan

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Farm Hands Himself Wife
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Life Sick
Its all in the mind, you know.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Mindset One Liner Yourself
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Occasion Protection
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Born Death Myself People
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Myself Plant Return
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Confusion Father Myself Name
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Food Invention Reason
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Escape Eyes Loud Silence Work Yourself
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Coward Hero Legs Myself
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Appearance Funny Myself Time
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Man Vehicle
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Come Myself Quiet
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Class Expectation Morning Yourself

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

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Popular Authors

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