If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGANI told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN