My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGANAnd God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN