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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

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Evidence Friendship Hands Myself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Myself Talk
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Enough Food Politics
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Age Confusion Father Myself Name
A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Knowledge Learning One Liner Wisdom
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Food Invention Reason
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Animal Worth
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Myself Pain Stand Wake Up
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Case Lost Number
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Father Greatness Himself Inspirational Mad
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Death Myself Plant Return
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Blessing Deep Hard Time Light Perspective Philosophy
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Born Death Myself People
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Identity Myself One Liner Thinking
Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Education Funny Start
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Himself Man
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Myself Sick Yourself
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Clothes Order Perfection Work

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