Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGANTo Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I told you I was sick.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN