“To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.”

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.

Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.

Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Its all in the mind, you know.

This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in

We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.

In the human race today, you came last.

If you’re going to be a writer you have to be one of the great ones. After all, there are better ways to starve to death.

It is better for me to die in behalf of Jesus Christ, than to reign over all the ends of the earth.

When Jesus died on the cross and cried out, ‘It is finished!’ He not only died for our sins, but for our diseases too.

Death: the only true emotion felt in an apathetic world.

There are those who believe justice and dignity are reserved only for some people. Young men have died in police custody, and the growing heel of poverty has worn down harder on children of color…We must fight back.

The disciples obey because that’s what people do when someone rises from the dead and gives instructions.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

If a man can predict his own death and resurrection, and pull it off, I just go with whatever that man says