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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

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Age Confusion Father Myself Name

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Case Lost Number
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Life Sick
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Occasion Protection
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Body Myself Time
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Children Dog Funny Rich
Its all in the mind, you know.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Mindset One Liner Yourself
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Himself Man
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Enough Food Politics
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself Pain Stand Wake Up
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Listening Myself Pain Talk
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
God made night, But man made darkness.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Darkness Deep Invention Man Night One Liner Spiritual
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Eat Hungry Myself
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Myself Plant Return
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Food Invention Reason
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Clothes Order Perfection Work
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Blessing Deep Hard Time Light Perspective Philosophy
I told you I was sick.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself One Liner Sick
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Joke Laughter Myself Sing
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Man Vehicle
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Hope Myself Sing Yourself

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