“Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.”

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

Sit up straight, listen and participate.

Take a deep breath, listen to your favorite song and realize everything is gonna be okay, nothing is permanent.

Nobody is more persuasive than a good listener.

Please, don’t listen all the hate and take a little break to fall in love with you.

I’m listening to a lot of John Mayer again. I stopped listening to emotional music because I was in a really emotional place in my life.

We listen less often because the sound of silence is deafening to us.

Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I’m seven years late for work.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.