“We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.”

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

I wasn’t stealing cars at like, six. But I’ve always been bad.

I go to movies, go out with friends, go to car shows. I have a zoo.

I was always quite good at fixing and working with cars. My dad’s always dealt cars, and I’ve always been brought up around them. They’re one of the things I’ve always been interested in.

I’m just a careful person around wheels and stuff like that. I try to be as cautious as I can, cause I lost friends to motorcycle accidents and car accidents. So I don’t ever play around anything like that.

I met you the way a fast car meets a tree. The slightest slip sent me careening into you. Half-conscious I remained at the scene, bones broken, blood spilled, fire burning.

All we ask for is registration, just like we do for cars.

Isn’t it fun getting older? is really a terrible fallacy. That’s like saying I prefer driving an old car with a flat tire.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.