“I told you I was sick.”

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

A man will never fear something besides Allah unless it be due to a disease in his heart.

There is a syndrome in sports called ‘paralysis by analysis.’

Those ills are easiest to bear with which we are most familiar.

If someone has Ebola at a cocktail party they’re contagious and you can catch it from them.

The disease that knowledge brings is arrogance, and the disease that worship brings is showing off

Pessimism is mental disease. It means illness in the person who voices it, and in the society which produces that person.

The study of History is the best medicine for a sick mind.

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn’t much better than tedious disease.