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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

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Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself

Bagwalas

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Identity Myself One Liner Thinking
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Myself Plant Return
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Chance Happiness Money Myself
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Children Dog Funny Rich
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Blessing Deep Hard Time Light Perspective Philosophy
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Farm Hands Himself Wife
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Human Race Yourself
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
God made night, But man made darkness.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Darkness Deep Invention Man Night One Liner Spiritual
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Himself Man
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Worth
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself Sick Yourself
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Coward Hero Legs Myself
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Escape Eyes Loud Silence Work Yourself
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Eat Hungry Myself
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Appearance Funny Myself Time
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Enough Food Politics
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Man Vehicle
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Class Expectation Morning Yourself
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Food Invention Reason
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Listening Myself Pain Talk
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Body Myself Time

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