My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANOnly on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGAN