Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGANA lot of learning can be a little thing.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
SPIKE MILLIGAN